Kathleen Bell is devastated when her boyfriend, Weston Stevenson, stands her up at Magenta High's fall dance. The next Monday, he publicly accuses her of hiding her family's history of mental illness and breaks up with her. To make matters worse, school bully Marjorie Nguyen proudly claims credit for exposing Kathleen's painful secret.

Heartbroken and struggling to make sense of her mother's death, Kathleen finds comfort in Ryan Harte, a friend she met at the dance. As Ryan confides a painful secret of his own, their friendship deepens into something neither of them expected. But while Ryan helps Kathleen look toward the future, she can't stop searching for answers about her past.

Then, a shocking family secret turns Kathleen's world upside down, forcing her to question everything she thought she knew about Marjorie, her mother, and herself. As senior year draws to a close, Kathleen must decide whether she can let go of the pain and resentment that have consumed her, or whether the truth will change her life forever.

14+ due to adult situations, suicide

 

Excerpt:

“Looking for your dates, ladies?” A male voice intruded on my thoughts.

I looked up, surprised to see the guy who had locked eyes with me earlier. “You are…?”

“Ryan Harte.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “You’re Kathleen Bell, of course. We have English together. Mr. Barnes wouldn’t shut up about your climate change poem.”

My cheeks flushed, and I averted my gaze. “I guess you’re not a fan, then?”

Ryan smiled. “Are you kidding? I wish I had written it, but I’ve never done a reverse poem before. Tried writing one after Barnes explained it, but mine sounded like two different poems glued together. By the way, where’s your date? Parking?”

I blew out a breath. “He, well, hasn’t arrived.”

Ryan’s eyebrows knit. “He stood you up? What kind of asshole—Sorry.” He shut his mouth and looked away.

I pursed my lips. “He’s ghosted me for an hour. Didn’t even give me a reason.”

Ryan tilted his head. “Well...” He smiled. “Guess I’m not alone.”

I blinked. “Huh?”

“I’m not the only one who’s abandoned at the dance.”

That got my attention. “Oh my, you too? I’m so sorry.”

Ryan sighed. “Leah had an emergency family meeting. Canceled on me five minutes before I was going to pick her up.” He gave a humorless laugh. “Maybe that’s her way of saying ‘We’re about done.’ Spent twenty bucks on flowers and a corsage. Oh, well. Guess Mom gets free flowers tonight.”

I frowned. “I’m sorry. Not to be judgmental, but an ‘emergency family meeting’ sounds a bit sus.”

Ryan turned his palms skyward but said nothing. He glanced at the speakers and frowned. “Who keeps requesting this song? I swear they’ve played it four times.”

I grinned. “You don’t like ‘Moves Like Jagger?’ How can you hate that song? You must have bad taste in music. Poor you.”

Ryan made a face. “It’s overrated.”

I rolled my eyes. “That’s ridiculous!”

“Maybe you’re the one with lousy taste in music, Kathleen Bell.”

Jenni’s gaze swung between Ryan and me, as if she were watching an exciting tennis game. “Well, I’ll go off to collect some more streamers if you two don’t mind.”

I nodded, though I was slightly uncomfortable with the thought of being with Ryan alone.

Ryan grinned. “Why are you staring at my suit? Are you mentally drafting a playlist for me?”

Horrified and mortified, I realized that I’d been staring at his lapel for the past few seconds. He wore a yellow suit with a cobalt-blue shirt and a gold tie—an interesting combination of colors.

“I’m not…” I rolled my eyes. “Whatever. Bold of you to think I’d make a playlist for you. Why would I even do that?”

“To prove that your taste is better than mine? I don’t know.” Ryan stared at the dance floor for a few seconds, absentmindedly picking at the ribbon around the corsage box. “Well, I … I don’t suppose it would be okay for us to dance together, even though we’ve both been abandoned by our dates.”

I smiled and shook my head. “No. If Weston comes running in and sees us dancing… Let’s just say that I wouldn’t be happy if I were him.”

“Maybe something happened. Or maybe he’s just an idiot.”

I lifted my eyebrows. “You sound angry.”

Ryan shrugged. “I hate it when people do that. At least Leah gave me a reason.”

Around us, the partygoers cheered as one of the seniors announced something on the microphone. I tried to listen, tried to pay attention to whatever was happening onstage, but Ryan’s response replayed itself in my mind like an echo in a valley.

“Why are you angry for me?” It was a genuinely curious question. “You haven’t known me for more than ten minutes. I’m pretty much a stranger to you.”

Ryan exhaled. “True, but you can’t leave someone waiting for an hour without an explanation. How long have you two been dating?”

“A year. Almost.”

“Does he always disappear like this?”

I shook my head.

“Tried calling his friends?”

I exhaled. “If only I had their numbers.”

Something nagged at the back of my mind. What if Weston were angry at me for some reason? What if I had said or done something to offend him? What if this was his way of punishing me?

But what was it? What could have made him so upset? Or was I overthinking and torturing myself by complicating the matter? A shadow settled over my heart as I thought of the family secret that had weighed on my mind for years. An involuntary shudder ran through my body. No. He couldn’t have known it, could he? Nobody in this school knew. I hadn’t confided in anyone, not even Jenni. As determined as I was to take that secret to the grave, nobody could pry it from my lips.

“Are you feeling all right?” Concern flitted across Ryan’s gaze.

I blinked, startled. “I … I’m fine.”

“I’ve got to go now. Still have to figure out what to do with this corsage. Since the shop is already closed, I can’t return it. Maybe I’ll drive to Leah’s and still give it to her, or maybe I’ll leave it on her porch.” Ryan smiled, but it disappeared almost as quickly as it came. “Maybe you should take this night for yourself and try to enjoy the dance.”

I considered the suggestion. It would do little to extinguish my anxiety, but what other options did I have?

“I will,” I caved in. “Thank you.”

“Okay, I’m leaving before they play ‘Moves Like Jagger’ another time.”

I giggled. “Your loss.”

“Take care, Kathleen.” Ryan looked like he wanted to say something else, but a wave of students swallowed him up, and he vanished from my sight.

Staring at where he had been standing a few moments ago, something akin to disappointment bubbled in me. Of course, I was relieved that he didn’t invite me to dance, but somehow, I wanted to get to know him better. He had a sense of humor, even though he was a bit awkward at times, and I liked it when he teased me. Weston wasn’t much of a teaser.

Still, talking to him was like walking on a tightrope. Neither of us dared to overstep. We both kept our responses short and our tone light, as if worried anything could be considered flirty. The shallow politeness made me wonder what it would be like to have a deeper conversation with him.

Wrestling with my mind, I buried my thoughts and denied their existence. It was betrayal to Weston. Although he hadn’t shown up tonight, I was certain there was a valid explanation for this mystery. I trusted him, always had. He wouldn’t ignore me on purpose. He had never done that, and he had no reason to. Tomorrow, after all the misunderstandings were cleared, things would resume to normal, and we’d have prom to look forward to.

Jenni glided to me, two glasses of punch in her hands. “I see that you’ve gotten rid of Ryan Harte.”

“I don’t think either of us could have hung out with each other without feeling guilty,” I replied.

My attention wandered to the throng of dancers. I stared at them without seeing, lost in thought. What would they have done if they were in my place, if their date had abandoned them without any notice?

One of the popular girls, Marjorie Nguyen, cast a smug smile in my direction. Dressed in a glittery silver A-line gown, she was flanked by two of her best friends, laughing and chatting on the bleachers. I wondered why she’d looked at me. She had everything—popularity, beauty, the admiration of Magenta High. I was a peasant compared to her.

Then, a theory fell into place in my mind. Did she know about Weston and how we were planning to attend this dance together? Had she done something to him? The thought was ridiculous, but still, a mixture of fear and anxiety churned in my stomach.

“Still thinking about your missing prince?” Jenni asked.

I turned my back on Marjorie Nguyen and fought off my intrusive thoughts. “I just wish he would explain himself, you know?”

Jenni rolled her eyes and laughed. “Forget boys. Here, have a drink. Pineapple and orange, I think.”

I accepted the tall glass and savored the punch. It was sweet, with a slight dash of sourness.

“Well?” Jenni asked. “How is it?”

“It’s nice, but right now, I’m craving a soda.”

Jenni got to her feet. “Come on, Kathleen. You need to learn to have fun on your own. Dance with me.”

“But—”

Jenni pulled me to my feet before I could finish my objection. “Nothing wrong with a couple of besties dancing, right?” She lifted a hand and spun me around. “See? I’ve got some good moves. When I was little, I took ballroom dancing lessons. I can lead you if you like.”

I smiled. “Yeah, all right. I’ll dance with you. You can lead this one, and I’ll lead the next dance. Not that I’m an expert, but you’re right—we’re here to have fun, aren’t we?”

“Fair enough!”

I tried to enjoy myself for the rest of the evening, but without Weston, I couldn’t be at peace. His absence dug a hole in my heart, as if it were a physical wound. When the night was over, and Jenni and I headed home, I was almost delighted. The ominous feeling that lingered in my mind, however, followed me like a kite’s tail, refusing to leave me alone.