Seventeen-year-old Skye Lancaster has spent more than half her life as a ballroom dancer. She and her boyfriend and dance partner, Finn Evans, have won countless competitions.

However, everything changes when Skye sees cheerleader Mina Reyes’s party posts one day. For the first time, Skye imagines the colorful life she could have lived if she hadn’t committed herself to dance.

Out of curiosity, she changes herself to fit in with the popular crowd. Her social status rises, but at a terrible price. The harder she tries to belong, the further she drifts away from her values, her passion, and from Finn. When a disastrous competition shatters her world, Skye must confront the consequences of her choices and redefine her purpose before losing herself forever.

14+ due to adult situations

 

Excerpt:

“You’d be the life of the party,” Finn said as they settled down in their seats. “I’m amazed you’re not a cheerleader. You have the potential to be one.”

Skye wasn’t paying attention. Scrolling through her Instagram feed, she came across a collection of pictures posted by Mina Reyes, the cheerleader captain and alpha girl at Garland High. “Hey, look. A party!”

Finn glanced at the profusion of balloons, the colorful cupcakes, and the glittering disco ball. “Never thought you’d be interested.”

Skye knew he wasn’t into social events. “Maybe if you got invited to one, you’d be singing a different tune.” She stared at the pictures for a while as the adults ordered their food.

“What do you want, Skye?” her father asked.

“Oh, the usual. Spaghetti or chicken.” As if the pictures had magnetized her attention, Skye studied each of them in detail. “I wonder how it feels to be popular. To be liked. Maybe I’d like myself more.”

“What don’t you like about yourself?” Finn asked.

Skye looked up from her screen. “Finn, don’t you have those moments when you’re alone at night, and you keep thinking about what your life would’ve been like if you hadn’t committed yourself to ballroom dancing at seven?”

Finn was quiet for a few seconds. “Yeah, sometimes, but I don’t regret taking this path.” Concern flitted across his eyes. “Do you? You said you didn’t like yourself.”

Skye shook her head. “I … I don’t know.” She cast the adults a wary look and lowered her volume, almost whispering into Finn’s ear. “It’s not that I don’t like myself. I just thought it’d be nice if more people liked me. People who are popular and who can make me popular.”

Their parents were engrossed in a discussion about the election next year and speculating about who the Republican and Democratic candidates might be. Good, Skye thought. She didn’t want them to get wind of her conversation with Finn. The last thing she needed was to hear a speech about self-love and acceptance. Granted, she had an unfortunately close relationship with her insecurities. Always a perfectionist, and especially when it came to dancing, she allowed herself no room for mistakes.

Finn furrowed his brows. “But Skye, you’re so above and beyond the other kids. You and I know what we want in life. How come you’d want to become one of them?”

Skye detected a hint of hurt in his voice. “What’s the matter? It’s not like I’m dumping you. I just want to, you know, discover myself. See if I can fit in with them and find a purpose outside the dance studio. You know what it’s like, having no time for anything else but dancing. It’s like we’ve been married to ballroom dancing before we even got to see the other options we could have had in life.”

Finn nodded slowly. “I see.”

“Don’t you think we should challenge ourselves to new heights every now and then? Maybe if I approached the popular crowd, life at school wouldn’t be as boring. Maybe they would like me. Maybe they’d give me more things to be excited about—things that don’t have anything to do with dancing.”

Finn frowned. “You know what they’re like. Mina and the popular crowd. They think it’s fun to make people’s lives a living hell. Their idea of entertainment includes punching kids, sticking elbows out at them in hallways, and bullying people. Why would you want Mina’s life?”

“I’m not saying the trashy things they did are justified, but belonging … must be sweet. Or else, why would people want to fit in?”

She imagined Mina Reyes and what a regular day would be like for her. Waking up in the morning, putting on her shiny lip gloss and nail polish, marching off to school in her fashionable wedge heels, sitting in the hotspot in the cafeteria and catching up on the trending gossip, going shopping with her friends after school, watching movies, and having sleepovers on weekends, throwing wild parties from time to time...

In three words, living the dream.

As for Skye herself, she never had the luxury to indulge in those leisure activities. Keeping up with schoolwork while having to practice ballroom dancing three to four hours a day was more than enough on her plate. Picturing a life without dancing sounded bizarre to her; it was like picturing the United Kingdom without the royal family or New York City without the Statue of Liberty and the Empire State Building. Incomplete, a crucial puzzle piece gone.

But … what if? What if she hadn’t decided to become a professional dancer before she got a taste of what high school life was like? What if she hadn’t started focusing on dancing that early and sealed herself off from the infinite possibilities? What was life like for a normal high-schooler? What had she missed, and how much of it?

Sometimes, it hurt to think that she would never know and would never get to know. She often thought of Olympic athletes, those young talents who had chosen to dedicate their lives to diving, gymnastics, or tennis when they were adolescents. Did they ever regret giving up their one and only chance to live the mundane yet stress-free life of a regular teenager?

“I don’t get why you feel bad about yourself,” Finn remarked. “You’re a rising star, and you’ve won countless competitions, but you still act like you’re not enough.”

“You’re saying that because you’re you.” The statement was half a compliment and half a complaint.

“And what’s wrong with that?”

“The kids at school must look at me and see a freak who spends all her after-school hours in a dance studio instead of watching movies, going to parties, and doing cool stuff. A dancing machine without a personality.”

“Well, what’s wrong with that?” Finn countered. “Can they do what you can do? Earn a ton of trophies and get good grades?”

Skye hesitated. “Maybe not, but I can’t do what they can, either.”

A hint of anxiety flashed in Finn’s eyes. “You’re thinking about giving up on dancing?”

Skye exhaled. “Of course not, but I want to see if I can make myself more popular.”

“You never mentioned that to me before. How come you’re suddenly so into popularity?” Finn’s tone wasn’t accusing. Just curious, like a boy asking his parents why the grass was green.

“It’s not popularity I’m pursuing,” Skye explained. “It’s the principle of the thing—what would life be like if I were … normal? If I could be a random high-schooler? I’m trying to see if I can balance things a little.”

Finn didn’t argue with her. “Okay, then. Do you have a plan to make yourself popular?”

Skye tapped on her chin. “Uh, no. I’ll try to talk to Mina tomorrow and start a conversation with her, I guess. This is going to be interesting, Finn. If I get invited to a party, I’m bringing you along.”

Peeling off a layer of her skin and becoming someone else sounded thrilling. Back then, Skye hadn’t realized that a transformation hinted at the possibility of losing who she was. After all, some caterpillars died in chrysalises and lost themselves forever before they ever became butterflies.